Another Assassin's Creed meme
by Esperwen
Summary: Teefed this off of a certain "TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba" on FanFiction, who teefed this off of Mazzaroo's Assassin's Creed Meme on deviantart.  I can't draw, so I'm totally biting off of what "TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba" did and typing stuff out.


Teefed this off of a certain "TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba" on FanFiction, who teefed this off of Mazzaroo's Assassin's Creed Meme on deviantart. I can't draw, so I'm totally biting off of what "TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba" did and typing stuff out.

I haven't been updating my Naruto fanfics because I suck. Also, _you_ try going to university for a health/science-related degree and write half-decent fanfics at the same time and see where _that_ takes you!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Assassin's Creed, but I'm pretty sure even I could figure out better endings to their games than UbiSoft. (When the first game ended, I was like, "..._word_ to my _mother_! What the heck just happened?" When the second game ended, I thought, "Ok, seriously? _Seriously?_ _Word_ to _UbiSoft's_ mother! ...oh, wait, I can still fight people. 'K, that's a little better...") And then I played Brotherhood and hated the world for a while. Ah, well...at least we're all pretty much guaranteed sequels, right?

* * *

**1. Who are you and where do your loyalties lie? Templar or Assassin?**

"If everything is permissible, can't I be both?"

My big, toothy grin soon disappears, and a look of terror spreads quickly across my face as a throwing knife suddenly lands point-first into the computer desk, just barely missing my right hand. A note is attached to said knife. It reads: "Choose, bitch!"

"Ok, ok, I'm with the Assassins! ...please don't kill me."

**2. Who's your favorite character and why? Draw them shirtless XD**

_Ngh...Ok, how do I dodge around this? _I think, staring at the blinking cursor on my screen, racking my brain for inspiration.

Conveniently, the computer lab door behind me opens, and Altair strides in, confident and graceful, a paper cup in hand.

"Shouldn't you be working on a paper?" the man asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

I spin around in my chair once I hear his voice, and jump up to greet him. I do not realize how close behind me he is, and accidentally bump into Altair, causing him to spill his coffee all over the front of his shirt.

"Omigosh, I am so sorry!" I exclaim, as the Assassin before me bites back a curse.

"Ugh..."

Quickly, to avoid getting burnt by the spilled coffee, Altair pulls his shirt over his head on one fluid movement. I try not to stare as his muscles were somehow accentuated by the terrible computer lab lighting. Honestly, my campus needs to invest in better lights. And I wonder why he isn't wearing more than that one shirt. It's Canadian winter, outside; what is he thinking? Then I notice the glare he is giving me.

"Um...coffee will totally come out of a white shirt," I lie, trying to be whimsical.

He rolls his eyes, but doesn't fly into a temper. Instead, he simply states that I owe him a new shirt and coffee. That's what I like about him: He has self-restraint. And he's smart. And loyal. And not a giant man-whore.

"Are you talking about my grandson?" Altair wonders, reading over my shoulder.

"On to the next question!"

**3. Got any fan characters? Introduce them. (No own characters? Draw an Assassin's Creed Dance Party! Go nuts lol)**

My Portal-users Michelle, Kyle, and Denise will all get a whack at the Assassin's Creed universe! (I have a fic trilogy in mind. A ficlogy. A trific.) Check out my profile for Portal explanations.

Michal is a young slave girl in Altair's time. Her mother's mother was captured during wartime, and if your mother is a slave, so are you. Michal was placed under Al Mualim's employ as a messenger; she delivers letters and packages that are too large to send by pigeon, but not so important that an Assassin escort is necessary. When she's in town, she also helps take care of baby Assassin novices! 8D

Kahil is a member of the Assassin Order in Altair's time. While a little younger than both Altair and Malik (he's Kadar's age), he is fairly accomplished, having gained the seventh assassin rank (out of ten). He's one of Al Mualim's best poisoners, and is also a bit of a blitz fighter; if there is a line of guards blocking your way, Kahil is an expert at breaking through them.

Dionisia is one of Ezio's Roman assassin recruits. She was once a noble, but due to the Borgia's treachery, her family went bankrupt and she was forced onto the street. Ezio recruited her after rescuing her from eight Borgia guards, instead of the usual four; she had been provoking them, instead of doing the sane thing and keeping out of their way. Apparently, she had dispatched two other groups of guards before Ezio found her.

The lady in red that activates Ezio's Cristina Memories is also a character of mine. Look it up! I'm currently posting it!

**4. What would happen if your character/s met Altair or/and Ezio? (No characters? Draw yourself instead.)**

Um...I have a lot of characters...I think I'll just do me.

Meeting Ezio:

"..._you're_ the best assassin they've got?"

"Yeah. What's with that tone of voice?"

"You're so young!"

"I'm just that good," he smirked.

"And kind of pretty."

"Actually, I prefer to be called 'handsome', but thank you!"

One of Teodora's young women walks by.

"And you just grabbed that woman's butt!"

"She liked it!"

"Gross!"

Meeting Altair:

"Safety and peace, stranger. I do not come to harm you. I have been sent to this world to find what they call, "My Fangirls." I have been told that you are among my most loyal, and one of the least likely to impede my cause. You must join me; I am in need of your help. We are in need of a writer. ...why do you stare, so?"

"Y...you're..."

"We have not much time, woman. I shall spare you but a few minutes, and then we must away. It is not safe, here."

"!"

"...is that drool I see, on your lip? Perhaps I have made a mistake."

"No-no-no, I'm her! I am she! I'll go with you! Just...just let me grab my laptop!"

**5. a) Le gasp! You've been sucked into a wormhole and blasted into 1191 A.D. What are you doing?**

...I'd joke and say "Altair," but Maria would kill me. Also, I'm not Adha.

I would be leaving glyphs in the Middle East for my descendants to find using Ninja Vision, with the essentials about how to survive in high school, college and university while doing minimal work. My descendants would not need an Animus, because I would choose buildings that did not get torn down or bombed, over the years.

**5. b) OMG! Now you're in Italy in 1486! What now?**

It's time to smack some sense into some doctors!

"Leeches? _Leeches? _How is making someone weaker going to help them get better? _Imbecile!_"

Also, let's chill with Leonardo da Vinci. I wonder if he'll draw some free fanart commissions for me?

**5. c) Ok, seriously, that wormhole is way out of whack. It's dropped you off at 1500 Roma. Heads up, there's a Borgia captain behind you!**

_GAH._

Try as I might, while I managed to pick the weakest one off by shoving a pen into his eye, I cannot fight of the last three stupid Borgia guards or their captain. For one thing, I am small and soft, while they are all tall and armour-y. For another, ONE OF THEM HAS A SPEAR AND ANOTHER HAS A BATTLEAXE OF DEATH AND I AM BAREHANDED NOW WHATTHEHECK. Cesare's minions close in around me, and while I stand my ground, trying to be brave, I know this is the end.

_Shk-shk-shk!_

To my joy, throwing knives embed themselves into the necks of three of the guards. I'm being rescued! Armour shining the sunlight and white robes flowing in the wind, a hooded assassin neatly dispatches the Borgia captain with a well-timed bullet to the brain. I am safe.

The tall, handsome Italian saunters up to me, a gallant smirk on his lips. He speaks, and I can't help but grin at that charming accent of his.

"The liberation of Roma is begu-!

_Thunk!_

"_Cazzo!_" Ezio swears at me, rubbing the back of his head where I'd punched him, "_Merda,_ I'm on your side!"

"What the heck happened to Rosa?" I snapped back, then gave him my most charming of smiles, "And that was a demonstration of how strong a fighter I am. I'll be joining your assassins, now."

**6. Oh noes! You have been captured by Templars! How do you plan to escape from Abstergo?**

I would randomly develop a telepathic bond with my super-agent brother, samurai father, and ninja mother. Family rescues, ftw! And while they try to rescue me, I will try to escape with what little ninja skill my mother gave me.

If that fails, I'll pretend to join them until an Assassin is captured, and then I'll just escape with that guy. I'm kind of an underachiever...

**7. Obligatory shipping question! Do you have a favorite ship?**

I kind of like Adha and Altair. For one thing, he got all romantic with yelling, "I will find you, Adha!" For another, their initials match! So cuuute!

The Maria thing weirds me out.

**8. Draw the crackiest pairing you can think of**

I shall write it.

...

...All I can think of is Altair and Al-Mualim, and it's creeping me out. I'm all, "Eeeew...!" in my brain...

...Now I'm thinking Rebecca and Leonardo, but that's actually kinda cute. ...actually, it's really nerdy cute. I kinda like it. =3

Internets! There is a new pairing for the AC fandom: RebeccaxLeonardo!

Ok, now think of something _cracky_.

...Baby (Rebecca's animus) and the Laptop that Desmond checks his email on. It is an electronic love! 'Til virus and memory reset do you part!

**9. ROFL! You know what else is fun? Crossovers! Do a crossover…of DOOM!**

Ezio looked out over the expanse of his great city. This was his favourite viewpoint: the top of the Empire State Building.

"Great view, right?" Spiderman exclaimed, swinging up to join his friend.

"Hey, Pete."

"'Sup, Ez?"

"Got room for one more?" a menacing voice rasped in the darkness.

Spiderman flinched as a dark figure suddenly appeared beside him, but Il Mentore never budged an inch. It wasn't that Batman hadn't startled him; the Dark Knight hadn't made a sound during his approach. It was just that Ezio was balanced on the very top of the Empire State Building; one move would send him falling, and he wasn't sure which side of the building he'd put that giant stack of mattresses on to faith-jump into...

Assassin's Creed meets the Marvel Universe meets the DC Universe. YES. I would _totally_ live there.

**10. All done. Now tag someone else.**

I believe I will just post this...


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